Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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