It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
