I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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