Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize