I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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