he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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