"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
