Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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