what day is it and did you see me today?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
