He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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