i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
