the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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