Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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