you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
