I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
