Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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