Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
