Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize