She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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