I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
