I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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