If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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