then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
