The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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