That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
