Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
