She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
