I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
