im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
