this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
