i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
