Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize