loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
