I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
