i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
