You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
