I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
