i'm signing you up for texting rehab
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
