I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize