8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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