I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
