Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
