I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
