If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
