I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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