she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
