I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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