"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
