I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
