i think i have herpe
just one?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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