Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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