u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
