i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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