I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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