he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize