are you so shy because you have an std?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
