that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
