so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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