I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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