When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
