Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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