she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
