I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
