seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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