living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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