As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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