I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
