what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
