Say something about gay babies.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
