Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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