Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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