i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
