Who wears a wallet chain?!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
