hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the condom got lost in my hair
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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